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leiascullyTitle: Sulevin ghilana hanin (AO3)
Wordcount: 7161
Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Rating: Explicit (consensual sexual activity)
Content notes: references to canon-typical violence
Relationships: Cassandra Pentaghast/Inquisitor (nonbinary Lavellan)
Timeline: Later in the game but before the last battle
A/N: I started out to write a funny little sexy story and ended up with 7k words of gender feels and double-ended dildos. Such is the life of a writer.
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Wicked Grace had gone well this time, or at least better. Hanin Lavellan was pleasantly drunk and hadn't lost much money, and Cullen had lost his shirt, which everyone enjoyed except Cullen. The others had drifted out of Herald's Rest singly or in pairs - Bull with Dorian swept up in his arms, Leliana and Josephine telling each other both sides of some old story from Val Royeaux - until only Lavellan and Cassandra were left. Cassandra was tracing shapes with the tip of her finger in a puddle of spilled mead. Lavellan found it charming that Cassandra preferred mead to ale: one more glimpse of her hidden longing for sweetness in her life.
"I am glad you talked me into coming," Cassandra said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "You were right, as usual. We need these moments."
"Resting is part of the effort," Lavellan said. "There would be no day without the night. Sometimes we see things clearest under the stars."
"You have a mind full of poetry." Cassandra's gaze felt warm and fond.
"You think that because you haven't spent enough time in the company of Dalish." Lavellan swallowed a mouthful of ale. "I was the least versed in my family. They despaired of my prosaic attitudes."
Cassandra smiled. "What a family they must be. Perhaps I will meet them one day."
"Perhaps," Lavellan said. "They're not especially fond of anything that sounds like the Chantry, but one day, when all this is over, we could go and visit."
"One day," Cassandra said wistfully. "What will we do with ourselves, when the world is saved?"
Lavellan had quite some number of ideas, many of them involving their skin pressed up against Cassandra's, but they saved these for the privacy of their quarters. "I wouldn't," Varric had said once, apropos of absolutely nothing, having caught Lavellan mid-longing gaze. "The Seeker's the straightest arrow I've ever met." Lavellan had scoffed, as if the notion was the farthest thing from their mind, but Varric, as usual, had seen truly. Perhaps not the whole truth, the one Lavellan carried inside their heart of hearts, but some dimension of it.
"What would you do?" they asked. "If you do not become Divine. If no one had any claims to your service."
"I cannot imagine such a day," Cassandra said, eyes hazy. "My destiny has never been my own. From the cradle, I was raised to the duties of a noble, and later, well. My life has always been pledged to others, to my family or the Seekers or the Chantry. If it were my own, I would not know what to do with my time." She glanced at Lavellan. "I would like to travel with you for a while, I think. To meet your family. To see the peace we have brought grow and thrive. To hear more of your poetry. And you?"
"That sounds nice," Lavellan said.
Cassandra laughed, a soft throaty chuckle that made Lavellan's heart throb. "That isn't much of an answer. Here I sit, baring my soul to you, while your own remains a closed book."
"You like to read," Lavellan teased. "Flip through my pages."
"I am trying," Cassandra said, laughing again. "I thought alcohol was supposed to loosen the tongue, but here you sit, more close-mouthed than ever."
"You know my story," Lavellan said.
"By heart, I might say," Cassandra said, smiling, "and yet, like Swords and Shields, I find myself yearning for another chapter."
Lavellan's heart thudded. There would never be a perfect moment to speak the words they longed to say, and yet, it was as good an opening as Cassandra had ever given them. "Varric told me that if I made myself known to you, it would not go well."
Cassandra's brow furrowed. "We have fought side by side for many months. I am not certain how much better we might know each other."
Lavellan waited, one eyebrow raised, their mouth quirked in the tiniest of smiles. After a moment, Cassandra's brow furrowed further. "Oh. I see. For once, Varric was not wrong."
Lavellan laughed softly. "It was worth the sting of rejection just to see the look on your face."
"You are very dear to me," Cassandra said. "I care for you as I have cared for few people in my life. If I were a man, or if you were, things might be different."
Lavellan shook their head. "I know that you understand me as a woman, because I've got tits et cetera, but that isn't how I understand myself. There are more options than man or woman in my culture."
"I am sorry," Cassandra said, and she had the grace to blush a little. "I do try."
"I know you do." Lavellan shrugged. "I'm not angry, Cassandra."
"Bull has discussed some similar individuals," Cassandra said hesitantly. "Female warriors who are viewed essentially as men under the Qun. He thought I might have served, had I converted."
Lavellan nodded. "I do wonder who you'd be, if you'd had the freedom to explore."
"I hope I would be myself," Cassandra said tartly. "It is everyone else who has difficulty seeing me as a woman. A woman may shun dresses and simpering and still recognize herself in the mirror." But she sounded a little bit wistful.
"Naturally." Lavellan pulled over Cullen's nearly-full abandoned mug of ale. "I like you just as you are, Cassandra. I think you know that."
"You might be unique in that," Cassandra teased.
"Yes, well." Lavellan downed some of Cullen's ale. They were steering carefully from tipsy to drunk. "I do enjoy the notoriety of being a singular individual." They looked sideways at Cassandra. "A little bit lonely, though."
"Lonely in the center of the Inquisition?" Cassandra said, quirking one eyebrow. "You are surrounded at all times by your adoring followers."
"Lonely in the center of the Chantry, at the Divine's Right Hand?" Lavellan countered.
"Well," Cassandra said thoughtfully, "at times, I suppose. I had the strong friendship and support of Divine Justinia and Leliana, but it was not entirely conducive to romance."
"I hadn't heard that you sought romance," Lavellan told her. "It seems the opposite, in fact. Between the pages, yes. Between the sheets? A mystery, much speculated upon by idle gossips."
"I know what people think of me," Cassandra said firmly. "But they are wrong, as usual. I am not opposed to sex. I have enjoyed sex very much. I am certain I would enjoy it again with an appropriate partner."
Now it was Lavellan's loins that were throbbing. "Any time you'd like to demonstrate that, you know where to find me."
Cassandra frowned just a little. "You are not a woman, but you are also not a man, I fear."
"Alas," Lavellan said, shaking their head and winking at Cassandra. "I could approximate the experience, but it isn't the equipment I was born with."
Cassandra sipped at her mead. "I suppose I was not born with a sword in my hand either."
"Was that a joke?" Lavellan asked.
Cassandra smiled, a brief and brilliant thing. "Occasionally I am known to venture into humor."
"The only realm from which you've ever retreated," Lavellan suggested.
"No," Cassandra said, suddenly brooding. "But there are not many."
"May I ask if you were disappointed by a woman in the past?" Lavellan said. "Or anyone else not-a-man?"
"You may ask," Cassandra said, "but I have no answer. I have never been with anyone but a man, and really only the one." She must have seen something in Lavellan's expression, because her mouth twisted into a wry smile. "You are surprised."
"A little," Lavellan admitted. "I would have thought you would have had more suitors."
Cassandra sorted. "Suitors, yes. Lovers, no. Few of them suited me, as it turned out."
"And never anyone but a man, truly?"
"I had not considered it," Cassandra said. "Even when I see others enjoying such arrangements, it mystifies me. But so do many liaisons, regardless of who is participating in them. It is none of my business."
Lavellan pushed their mug back and forth idly. "I would have thought you more worldly. You have never seemed troubled by Varric's relationship with Hawke. At least, no more than you're usually troubled by Varric."
Cassandra frowned. "Varric has no relationship with Hawke. At least, not one of that kind. I am given to understand that he is committed to his adulterous relationship."
"Oh, of course," Lavellan said, hiding their smirk behind their mug of ale. "Well then, Dorian and the Iron Bull. Or Sera and her various paramours. Although you do seem somewhat troubled by all of them."
"It is not because of what they do in the bedroom or with whom," Cassandra insisted. "It is a general mistrust of their principles. A Tevinter blood mage? A Qunari spymaster? A person whose only motive is mischief? None of these seemed suitable for the Inquisition we thought to build."
"You mistrusted me, at first." Lavellan leaned back in their chair.
Cassandra's eyes softened. "I did, and I was wrong."
"I appreciate your re-evaluation of my suitability," Lavellan said, watching Cassandra over the rim of their mug. They shouldn't use Cassandra's words against her, not when she was exposing her vulnerabilities, but they couldn't help themself.
"I see," Cassandra said after a moment. "I was wrong to mistrust you, when you fell from the Breach, and I might be wrong to mistrust you now. I should let you take me to bed to reveal my further misconceptions."
"You said it, I didn't. But I could wear the cuffs again if it would make you feel better," Lavellan offered breezily.
Cassandra seemed to blush, but that couldn't be true. It must have been the flicker of the candlelight. "You won't be disappointed if I say no?"
"Of course not," Lavellan said. "Besides, you've already said no, and I haven't stormed off, have I?"
"I care for you very deeply," Cassandra said, her voice earnest, as if she desperately needed Lavellan to understand. "I would lay down my life for you, you know." Somehow, that got through Lavellan's armor. It was so much worse to hear how much Cassandra needed them, cared for them, enjoyed having them in her life than it would have been for her to say a simple no. So far and no further was fine, but that was all Lavellan wanted to know. To hear that they were a central figure in Cassandra's life, but would never have her love, was like sticking their fingers into a fire over and over again.
"Wonderful," Lavellan said. "Likewise. Could we stop discussing it? I'm about to have a new record for number of rejections in one night, and all from the same person." They eyed the level of ale left in the mug. Probably not enough to get really drunk on, which was their new goal for the evening. Get smashed and go to bed alone and dream of undressing Cassandra bit by bit. Fuck, they were far gone when they didn't even want to seduce someone else.
Cassandra sat back in her chair. "Don't call it a rejection."
"What else is it?" Lavellan asked. "I'm not upset, Cassandra, I'm just tired of talking about it."
"It is not a rejection," Cassandra insisted. Lavellan suspected the mead had gone to her head. "It is simply...simply...."
"Yes, I can see how simple it is," Lavellan said dryly.
"A redirection," Cassandra said, sounding triumphant. "From the impossible to the possible."
"I'm going to bed," Lavellan said. It was too much, to try to process all of this in public. They were certain to have been overheard by someone. There was a bottle of something in their quarters. They could finish getting drunk all on their own, without the light in Cassandra's eyes or the way her lips pursed when she was thinking. Impossible, frustrating, lovely Cassandra. Lavellan couldn't bear it.
"Don't go," Cassandra said, catching at Lavellan's hand. Lavellan didn't pull away.
"What do you want, Cassandra?" they asked softly.
The Seeker's eyes were wide and dark. "I don't want you to leave."
"You can come with me if you like," Lavellan said, "but I'm going back to my quarters." They reclaimed their hand and walked away. Cassandra followed, her footsteps swift and even despite the mead.
Lavellan wondered if everyone who saw them could tell that the Inquisitor and the Seeker were having a difference of opinion. Were they walking too stiffly, still shoulder to shoulder but not speaking? It wasn't the body language of lovers, to be certain. But soon enough they had shut the door behind them and climbed the stairs and Lavellan could relax a little. Lavellan retrieved the bottle from the bookshelf and poured a generous measure into a cup before collapsing on the sofa. Cassandra did the same and settled neatly at the other end, prim in her distress.
"You are angry," she said in a low voice.
"I'm not angry," Lavellan countered. "I'm upset."
"I have upset you," Cassandra said.
Lavellan said nothing and knocked back a healthy swig of whatever it was. Brandy. Might have been worse, given the contents of some of the bottles they'd found.
"Because I said no to your proposition?"
"No," Lavellan said. "Because you said no over and over, far beyond my asking. You said no, and I accepted it, wherever else the conversation went. I don't need to hear a catalog of all the ways you find me wanting."
"I do not find you wanting in any particular," Cassandra protested.
"Just one," Lavellan said, and made a lewd gesture.
"Yes, well," Cassandra said. "Aside from that. But surely we can still be friends."
Lavellan laughed, but it sounded hollow. "Oh, yes, the very best of friends. We can exchange tokens to show our deep esteem for each other. Perhaps we could have some sort of party about it, with drinks and dancing, and swear to treasure our friendship forever."
"You are acting as if you are in love with me," Cassandra said, and now she sounded angry.
"Of course I'm in love with you," Lavellan mumbled into their cup.
"What?"
"Of course," Lavellan said louder and more slowly, enunciating every word, "I'm in love with you."
"I..." Cassandra began and lapsed into silence. "I thought that you were merely propositioning me."
"In all the time we've been together since the Breach opened, I've never once seen you accept an offer for a casual fuck," Lavellan pointed out. "I'm not sure I've ever seen you do anything casually, in fact, right down to choosing which stockings to wear."
"No," Cassandra said. "It is not in my nature, I think. But I thought...you might be different. It seems that everyone else in the Inquisition is able to enjoy that sort of informal relation. To think no further than the moment."
"Do you think I would do you the dishonor of offering you any less than all of me?" Lavellan demanded. "No matter what I've given of myself to anyone else, in other situations. Do you think that I know you so little that I would ask you for a quick roll in the hay? Fenedhis, Cassandra, you said you knew me."
The silence stretched out between them, full of hurt. At least the brandy was finally kicking in; Lavellan felt warmer than the fire could account for, and they could pretend the ache in their heart was due to the alcohol.
"You don't have to stay," they said at last. Cassandra was still perched on the other end of the sofa, her spine ramrod-straight.
"Do you want me to go?" she asked.
Lavellan looked away. "No." They drained their cup. "I want you not to want to leave."
"Ah." Cassandra's eyes fluttered closed. Her lashes were very dark against the pallor of her cheeks. She was so beautiful that Lavellan hurt all over, every half-healed scar and old bone break twinging like a storm was coming.
"What do you want, Cassandra?" Lavellan murmured. "I asked you once tonight. You only told me what you didn't want."
"I...I do not know." Cassandra's lips were trembling.
"Then I can't help you." Lavellan got up, undoing the tabs of their tunic. They were tired to their bones, and lonely in the worst way, and they wanted to put on a fresh sleepshirt and slide into bed. Let Cassandra sit on the sofa all night if that was her heart's desire. Let her sit there until the fire was embers and dead grey ash. Let her sit there forever, and be discovered by the next intrepid explorers to find Skyhold. At least Lavellan would know what response to expect, if they spoke to a statue.
Cassandra's fingers caught at the hem of Lavellan's tunic.
"I want poetry," Cassandra said slowly. Her eyes were still closed. "I want bouquets of flowers and meetings by moonlight and love notes that I can wear inside my tunic, next to my heart. I want passion like a great flame and tenderness like a sweet spring breeze." She took a deep shaky breath. "Am I wrong to want those things?"
"No," Lavellan said.
"Am I foolish? Do I demand the impossible, as usual?"
"No, Cassandra."
"I want to feel as if nothing in my history matters. I do not want to be loved for killing dragons, or being a Seeker, or for being the Right Hand, or for being a princess. I want to be loved for myself."
"As you ought to be," Lavellan agreed.
"I want to find a home inside someone's heart," Cassandra continued. "I want someone to find a home inside mine."
"What do you want from me?" Lavellan asked.
Cassandra closed her eyes again. "I want your heart to be my home."
Lavellan stood very still, their fingers frozen on the tabs of their tunic. It felt like they couldn't catch their breath. "I offered you all of myself, Cassandra. I won't accept any less than all of you."
"Had I been born under the Qun, I would have been nearly a man," Cassandra said, looking up at Lavellan. "Perhaps if I had thought to choose, I might have chosen to be otherwise than I am. I might have considered other options. Perhaps such a relationship would not have seemed so strange, if I had grown up in a place with more life. But the dead were laid in their tombs side by side, man and woman, and I heard no other stories."
"How easy it is to write an epitaph," Lavellan murmured.
"Now I wonder how much was erased from those engravings," Cassandra said. "How many mismatched marriages, how many who chafed under those expectations of womanhood or manhood in life. What would they have chosen, if they could. What did they choose that their families omitted, like Dorian's father wished to."
"A hundred hundred stories untold." Lavellan sighed.
Cassandra's fingers tightened in the fabric of their tunic. "I thought tonight that you might turn away from me forever, and in that moment, I understood that I have loved you for quite some time, and thought it impossible until now, so impossible that I held it in the deepest part of my heart, hidden almost from myself."
"And now?" Lavellan's pulse thudded.
"I want to want all of you," Cassandra said. "However strange it seems to me. Now that I know my heart, I would find it difficult to be only your companion."
"Truly?" Lavellan's mouth was dry, but their heart was an ember in their chest, flaring into brilliance.
"Truly," she affirmed. "Will you kiss me? Only...you won't be angry with me if it goes no further? I do not know how much more capacity I have for revelation tonight."
"I won't be angry," Lavellan promised. "We have all the time in the world." They sat back down on the couch, their knees brushing Cassandra's. Her hand, still clutching Lavellan's tunic, rested on their thigh. Lavellan could feel her shivering.
"Well?" Cassandra said, all bravado, always, but her voice shook. Lavellan reached up to cup her cheek. Their thumb stroked over Cassandra's cheekbone and Cassandra's lashes fluttered.
"Patience, mir vhenan," Lavellan murmured. They traced the strong lines of Cassandra's face with their fingertips, gliding down the slope of her nose and ghosting over the bow of her lips. "You seem very worried that I'll be upset with you."
Cassandra shivered again. "I want to give you all of myself, but...it's been some time. I am out of practice at being anyone's lover."
"Sulevin ghilana hanin," Lavellan said, smiling.
"I know that phrase," Cassandra said slowly. "I saw it on the shield you gave me. It has your name in it. What does it mean?"
"Purpose guides us to glory, roughly," Lavellan said. "There will be purpose and glory both, tonight."
"That sounds like a promise," Cassandra said.
"It's a sacred vow," Lavellan told her. "I can provide some more familiar equipment if that would help. If we find we need to consider these things."
"Yes, I think it might," Cassandra said. "If we reach that stage. For now. This is all very new to me."
"Brave heart Cassandra." Lavellan could hear the fondness in their own voice. They brushed the hair off Cassandra's forehead.
"Oh," Cassandra said helplessly, leaning into the caress. Lavellan's heart swelled. How precious it was, to have Cassandra's trust. How luxurious it felt to hold her, at last, after all those months of longing. Here was a secret: the Seeker could be disarmed immediately by fingers in her hair, at her brow or the nape of her neck. Cassandra, so composed, would make soft little noises if someone traced her collarbones.
"Touch me," Lavellan said, after what felt like an hour of mapping the details of Cassandra's face and throat. They hadn't even kissed yet and already Lavellan was feeling utterly besotted.
Cassandra stilled. "Where?"
"Anywhere you like."
"Here?" Cassandra trailed a finger over their lips and Lavellan kissed her fingertip.
"Yes."
"Here?" That same finger dragged slowly down the line of Lavellan's throat to the open collar of their tunic.
"Yes."
"Here?" Cassandra's palms skimmed down Lavellan's arms, then up and over their shoulders to flatten against their back. Lavellan leaned into the contact.
"Yes."
"Here?" Cassandra leaned forward and their lips met and Lavellan's world cracked open again. It was the flying sensation of being tossed out of the Breach, tinged by joy and hope instead of terror and despair.
"All right?" asked Lavellan when they finally broke apart. Cassandra's eyes were shining and her cheeks were flushed. Lavellan was certain their face looked the same.
"Oh, yes," Cassandra said fiercely and then they were kissing again, Cassandra's mouth hungry and eager against Lavellan's. Cassandra's hands were in their hair, Cassandra's hands were fumbling with the tabs of their tunic, Cassandra's hands were everywhere and her lips followed.
"I thought I was going to be the one setting the pace," Lavellan gasped as Cassandra's teeth found their collarbone.
"I have been told I am a natural leader," Cassandra quipped.
Lavellan laughed under their breath and began undressing Cassandra, hindered in the effort by the way Cassandra moved against them, but not minding at all. It was the most delicious puzzle to coordinate their efforts and riddle their way through the overly-complicated closures of each other's clothing. Soon enough they were both bare to the waist, and Cassandra moaned when Lavellan pushed her down against the arm of the sofa and pressed against her, skin on skin.
"Andraste's light," Cassandra swore, and Lavellan laughed again.
"This isn't even the best of it," they promised.
"We should move to the bed," Cassandra said. She pushed her hips up against Lavellan's and gasped.
"I'm quite happy here," Lavellan said, rocking down until Cassandra moaned again. "But if you insist." They rolled off Cassandra and held out a hand to her. "May I have this dance?"
"If I'd known that was what you wanted at that awful party, I might have said yes," Cassandra grumbled, letting Lavellan pull her up.
"No, you wouldn't," Lavellan said. "It's taken me this long to talk you out of your clothes."
"Yes, but I didn't want to wear those clothes to begin with," Cassandra said. "Therefore, it might have been easier to talk me out of them."
"I've heard of hatefucking," Lavellan mused, "but not I-hate-everyone-else fucking."
"Well, you will hear no more about it tonight," Cassandra said. "I hold no hate for you."
"No?" Lavellan asked. They put their hand over Cassandra's heart. "Not here?"
"Of course not," Cassandra said. Lavellan could feel her breath coming faster. Deliberately slowly, they slid their fingers down to cup Cassandra's breast. Their thumb glided over the tight bud of her nipple.
"Not here," they said.
"No," Cassandra agreed, "but it would be best to ensure that you explore both, to be certain."
"I can take an order," Lavellan said.
"There is a first time for everything," Cassandra murmured, and then gasped as Lavellan gently squeezed her breasts. Her hands came up to caress Lavellan's chest. It was a graceless tangle of arms, but fuck, it felt so good.
"Has anyone told you lately that you have incredible tits?" Lavellan murmured.
"Only Bull," Cassandra said. "And coming from him, it means no more than a comment on the weather."
"Well, you've got incredible tits," Lavellan said, dipping to catch Cassandra's nipple between their lips.
"That is good to know," Cassandra said, her fingers knotting in Lavellan's hair. "But I believe you were taking me to bed."
"Didn't I tell you to be patient?" Lavellan asked, mumbling around Cassandra's breast.
"I find myself in short supply," Cassandra said. She pulled Lavellan's head gently back and pushed her body against theirs until they were backed up against the bed. Lavellan wrapped their arms around Cassandra and pulled them both down onto the mattress. The weight of Cassandra on top of them was something transcendent.
"I should have taken your trousers off first," Cassandra said as her lips sought Lavellan's neck. She sucked hard and Lavellan gasped. "No matter. I will address the issue."
"I love it when you talk logistics," Lavellan said. They groaned as Cassandra mouthed their breasts. She worked her way down their body, trailing kisses over their skin like a path of flames. She undid the fastenings of Lavellan's trousers with fingers that seemed certain. Lavellan lifted their hips to aid her efforts. Cassandra sat back on her heels and gazed up Lavellan's body. Lavellan braced themself on their elbows and gazed back.
"Too strange?"
"Less than I imagined," Cassandra said after a moment. "I have pleasured myself, of course." She was blushing again. "I assume the techniques are similar."
"Probably," Lavellan agreed. "But I'm happy to train you in some new methods." They winked.
"You mentioned certain...equipment," Cassandra said.
"Ah, yes." Lavellan rolled over and pulled open a drawer. They retrieved a harness made out of butter-soft leather and a variety of attachments. "For the lady's pleasure." They spread the dildos out over the bed. "A thicker option if you'd rather feel more, ah, fulfilled. A larger option for those who like a challenge. This one is nice because it fucks me too. And then there's the Dragon."
"That one is so interestingly shaped," Cassandra said after a moment.
"It hits the spot," Lavellan teased.
"Whatever you will enjoy the most," Cassandra decided. She touched the dildos with her fingertips. "This one?"
"A fine choice," Lavellan said, putting the others back in the drawer. "Should I put it on now, or after I strip you bare?"
"Oh, now," Cassandra said in a casual tone, but her expression was hungry.
Lavellan made a show of putting on the harness and securing the straps carefully around their hips. "Would you like to help?"
"Help?" Cassandra licked her lips. "How?"
"You can hold it steady," Lavellan said. They handed the dildo to Cassandra, who gripped it as if it were a new sword. "This end goes through the ring like so. That end goes inside me." They straddled the dildo, their hand and Cassandra's holding it firm as the other end spread their folds and guided the bulbous end to their opening. They sighed as they sank down on it. The shaft pressed against their clit. It was tempting to grind gently against it while Cassandra still held it. Lavellan let themself give into temptation.
"Oh," Cassandra said. Her lips parted.
"You can feel how wet I am," Lavellan said. "Can't you? The way it slid in, so easily."
"Oh yes," Cassandra said. She was rapt.
"That's my desire for you," Lavellan told her.
"I want you," Cassandra said, fumbling for words and also fumbling with the ties of her trousers. "I want you to show me that desire."
Lavellan helped her strip out of her trousers, their four hands urgent. The dildo bobbed between them, sturdy and slick. Lavellan mentally blessed the libidinous mage who had invented a lubrication charm that also kept the thing clean. The head of it bumped against Cassandra's stomach and left a glossy patch of damp. Cassandra made a throaty little noise. But at last she was nude, and Lavellan nudged her until she was sprawled on the mattress. They repaid her for every kiss and caress, working from the pale column of Cassandra's throat down to the ridge of her hip while Cassandra moaned and shifted under them.
"I want to taste you," they told her.
"Please," Cassandra said, looking uncertain if it was an affirmation or a plea.
"Do you want that?" Lavellan said, meeting her eyes.
Cassandra bit her lip. "Yes," she said after a moment.
"Thank the gods," Lavellan said, and devoted their attention to kissing the insides of Cassandra's thighs, up from her knee along the strong muscle to the crease where her thigh met her pelvis. When they tongued along that line, Cassandra exclaimed.
"Please," she said in a trembling voice, and this time it was most certainly a yes, and Lavellan couldn't deny themselves any longer. They parted Cassandra's folders with fingers and tongue. Her slickness soaked their face immediately, and Lavellan grinned as they licked. Cassandra made another wordless sound and tangled her fingers in their hair.
"Maker's breath," she said, sounding dazed.
Lavellan hummed to themself and devoted their efforts to circling Cassandra's clit with the tip of their tongue, with the flat of their tongue, even ever-so-delicately with their teeth. Cassandra's hips bucked and she swore in fond tones. Lavellan grinned and sucked Cassandra's clit into their mouth. They pushed one finger into Cassandra's heat, and when she squirmed, followed it with another.
"All this time," Cassandra murmured. "All this time we could have been doing this."
"Mm," Lavellan agreed. Fuck, Cassandra tasted good. They'd have to tell her so later, when they weren't neck-deep in her cunt. Their whole world was the space between her thighs and the pressure of those thighs around their shoulders, the way those thighs trembled when they licked or pressed or nibbled just so.
Cassandra was no mystery between the sheets; she seemed grateful for every touch. She didn't stifle her cries or cover herself. Lavellan reached up to roll her nipples between the fingers of their free hand and Cassandra took the hint and caressed her other breast. The sounds they coaxed out of her together made Lavellan's cunt ache. They wanted to push their hips down into the mattress, or better yet, to push into Cassandra and fuck her through the bed. But oh, they wanted Cassandra to come first, wanted to feel her shiver around them in the holiest of epiphanies. And they could feel her thighs tensing, tightening, the muscles inside her catching at Lavellan's searching fingers. They curved their fingers and found the spot they sought and Cassandra shouted, called out their name, called out for Andraste, her back arching off the bed until Lavellan's hand slipped away from her breast. Lavellan pressed their face into Cassandra until the shaking calmed to a shiver.
"Come here," Cassandra demanded, and Lavellan draped their body over Cassandra's, careful of the dildo. Their face was wet but Cassandra kissed them anyway, her tongue demanding an answer. Lavellan stroked down her body, nudging the dildo closer to position; pinned between them, it was impossible to ignore. Cassandra helped, guiding it lower until the head rested between her folds. Lavellan rubbed it up and down, teasing Cassandra's entrance until they were both groaning.
"Wait," Cassandra said. She pushed Lavellan over. "I want to taste you. I know it isn't you, but is that all right?"
"If that's what you want," Lavellan said. They would have agreed to almost anything. They rolled onto their back and watched Cassandra study them. Cassandra lowered her lashes. A pretty flush had spread across her chest. The curls between her legs were wet. She eased down between Lavellan's legs. Slowly her lips parted and her tongue darted out to taste the head of the dildo. Lavellan's muscles clenched hard around the base of it.
"Is that my flavor?" Cassandra asked.
"Yes," Lavellan managed to say. It was hard to concentrate on things like language when Cassandra was there, licking her own moisture off Lavellan's cock with apparent relish. "On my cock. On my mouth, too."
"Your cock," Cassandra said approvingly. "It's very nice."
"Thank you," Lavellan said, and then all the words left their mind as Cassandra took the head entirely into her mouth. The libidinous mages really needed to come up with some kind of sensation enchantment at some point, but it was still simulating to watch, and the motion of Cassandra's mouth rocked the base gently inside Lavellan's cunt. Long minutes passed as Cassandra explored the dildo. Lavellan played with her hair, played with their own tits, and tried to resist the urge to fuck Cassandra's mouth.
"Are you enjoying it?" Cassandra asked at last, rocking back and dropping a kiss on Lavellan's thigh.
"Very much," Lavellan assured her.
"But not as much as you might," Cassandra said.
Lavellan shrugged. "All things in their time."
"Would you enjoy it more if you were fucking me?" Cassandra asked.
Lavellan couldn't stop the cock from jumping again as their body responded strongly to the suggestion. "Gods, yes."
"Then please do fuck me," Cassandra said in a prim voice that Lavellan knew was going to drive them wild every time they heard it in some serious meeting.
"How?" Lavellan asked.
Cassandra smirked. "And here I thought you were some authority."
"I mean, what position, what do you like," Lavellan grumbled. "Remind me next time to fuck the breath out of you before you can come up with all these witty quips."
Cassandra touched a finger to her lips. "Surely you have some ideas. My only desire is to be - what was that charming phrase I heard from one of the recruits the other day? - ah yes, plowed. Quite evocative."
"I can manage that," Lavellan said, mouth dry.
"See that you do," Cassandra said, her lips curving up in a challenge. Lavellan sat up to catch at her hands and pulled Cassandra up. She came willingly, stretched out against their body, and Lavellan kissed her hard before rolling them over so that they were on top.
"Tell me if it's too much," they said.
"I believe I can handle you," Cassandra said, and reached down to guide the dildo lower. Lavellan helped, their fingers laced together as they pressed the dildo against her entrance. They both groaned as the dildo slid in. Lavellan held their hips steady, pushing in slowly, slowly, feeling Cassandra shift to accommodate their girth. It felt like their own cock, almost, when it was inside her, inside both of them, a connection from the core of their being to hers.
"Maker, yes," Cassandra gasped. "More."
Lavellan thrust until they were sunk to the hilt, their clit brushing against Cassandra's. "Oh!" Cassandra said, and "Ah," Lavellan groaned, and then they couldn't hold back any longer. They caught at Cassandra's hands, pinned her wrists over her head, and pounded into her over and over. She was hot and open, more than ready for them. She wrapped one leg around their hips, her pelvis rising up to grind against theirs. Lavellan dipped their head to kiss Cassandra everywhere they could reach, sucking at salt on the delicate skin of her neck until she cried out in delight. They'd let go of her wrists at some point, but that meant that Cassandra could touch their tits, caressing and squeezing and rolling the tender flesh.
"More," Cassandra demanded, and they hooked their arm under her other leg, pushing it up until she was so fucking tight around them they could almost feel it. They wanted her to come. They needed her to come. Their mouth found her nipple again, tongue and teeth working in concert to coax sounds from Cassandra that Lavellan had never heard. They pumped into her, desperate for release, the leather of the harness biting into their hips with the force of their thrusts. At least if they came first, they wouldn't go limp, but gods, they wanted to see that glory on her face, up close and personal.
"Come for me," they told her. "Cassandra, please. Let me see you."
Her half-closed eyes snapped to meet theirs. "Yes," she said in a throaty voice. "Yes, yes, yes." She held their gaze. Lavellan could see the pleasure building: the dilation of her pupils wider and wider, the flush rising in her face, the distracted way she gasped when they found just the right angle. She let them witness every moment. Lavellan felt her hips rise, her back arch, the tension in her body drawing her tight as a bow. They felt the stillness of that moment on the precipice, and then the release. Cassandra flung her arms around them and buried her face in their neck. Her whole body shuddered, passion ripping through her like an earthquake. And she was calling out their name in the same breath as the Maker's, speaking their name like an incantation. Hanin. Hanin. Glory.
"You must," she panted. "You must keep going. You must let me see you. All equal, between us, always."
"Yes," Lavellan agreed. They pushed into Cassandra again, all the way, until she gasped and spread her legs even wider. Their clit pressed hard against hers, delicious friction that made Cassandra keen.
"I want to touch you," she gasped, and thrust her fingers between them, caressing the hard hot knot of Lavellan's clit. "Wait."
"Wait?" Lavellan said, dazed. They were even more confused when Cassandra slid out from under them. But then she pushed them onto their back and straddled them. This time, they could watch their cock slowly disappearing into her body as she sank down. That was nearly enough to send them over the edge.
"Easier this way," Cassandra explained, and leaned down to kiss them. Her fingers found their clit again as she slowly rode their cock. Lavellan ran their hands over her tits, her back, the firm swell of her ass. Gods, they were close. Gods, she was beautiful. She was everything they'd ever imagined and more.
"Cassandra," they breathed, thrusting up into her. She met the thrust, sinking down even though she must be sore, her muscles aching from the unaccustomed stretch.
"Mir vhenan?"
And that was all it took, the sound of their language on her tongue, inelegant but intimate. Lavellan shook apart and was renewed in an instant, their body made all of light and heat and sweet passion. They clutched at Cassandra's hips, holding her close as the moment stretched on and on. Finally they released her, collapsing back onto the bed, breathless and boneless. Cassandra carefully rose on her knees and let Lavellan's cock slip out of her. She stretched on the mattress beside them.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" Lavellan asked.
"Very much," Cassandra said. "Plowing is quite enjoyable. No wonder farmers do it every spring."
Lavellan laughed. "And sometimes in the fall."
"An activity for all seasons," Cassandra agreed. She reached out to run her fingertips over Lavellan's cock. "I think I prefer your technique. Perhaps I will try it sometime."
"I'll be happy to plow you or be plowed by you any time," Lavellan assured her. They loosened the straps of the harness, setting it and the dildo on the edge of the bed. It was funny to look at it lying there, still the same, but different, a tool again and not a part of them. But it had certainly served them well tonight.
"Was it everything you hoped?" Cassandra asked after a moment.
"Everything and more," Lavellan promised, rolling on their side to kiss her. "Thank you for trusting me."
"I should have trusted you sooner," Cassandra said with a yawn. "How our hearts can disguise themselves from our minds is a great mystery of life."
"At least it didn't disguise itself from my loins," Lavellan teased.
"It was all very enjoyable," Cassandra murmured. She looked at Lavellan. "I would like to touch you. Just you."
"Are you sure?"
"Very sure," Cassandra said, and bit her lip.
"I'm a little sensitive," Lavellan said. "Be gentle."
And Cassandra was, her fingers slipping ever so slowly between Lavellan's legs.
"Oh," she said. The hunger was back in her eyes. "You are so wet. I knew it, but feeling it is different."
"For you," Lavellan assured her. They kissed her shoulder. "All for you."
Cassandra made a soft noise. Her touch was delicate but less tentative than Lavellan had imagined. The calluses on her fingers and palm provided delicious friction. All too soon, Lavellan was sighing, their body rocked by a soft but inexorable wave of pleasure. They caught Cassandra's wrist.
"Too much?" she asked.
"Just perfect," Lavellan assured her.
"You were so quiet." Cassandra's brow furrowed.
"Sometimes it's like that," Lavellan said. "You'll remember, soon enough."
"I will have ample opportunity to experience all manner of pleasure," Cassandra agree, her expression brightening.
"Perhaps the pleasure of sleep?" Lavellan suggested.
"Next to you?" Cassandra said. "The greatest pleasure."
"Oh, sweetheart," Lavellan said, wriggling so that they could pull the covers over the both of them, "if that's what you think, I have a lot more work to do."
"The greatest pleasure of my heart," Cassandra said, sliding her arms around Lavellan. "Other parts of me have experienced considerable pleasure. Do not worry on my account."
"I trust you to hold me accountable if you ever crave satisfaction," Lavellan said.
"I will," Cassandra said. "You have my word."
"A treasure beyond measure," Lavellan said.
Cassandra chuckled softly. "You have all of me, and you give such weight to my word."
"Your word is eternity," Lavellan said.
"It is," Cassandra agreed, and in the moonlight, her eyes were very bright.
Wordcount: 7161
Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Rating: Explicit (consensual sexual activity)
Content notes: references to canon-typical violence
Relationships: Cassandra Pentaghast/Inquisitor (nonbinary Lavellan)
Timeline: Later in the game but before the last battle
A/N: I started out to write a funny little sexy story and ended up with 7k words of gender feels and double-ended dildos. Such is the life of a writer.
+ + + +
Wicked Grace had gone well this time, or at least better. Hanin Lavellan was pleasantly drunk and hadn't lost much money, and Cullen had lost his shirt, which everyone enjoyed except Cullen. The others had drifted out of Herald's Rest singly or in pairs - Bull with Dorian swept up in his arms, Leliana and Josephine telling each other both sides of some old story from Val Royeaux - until only Lavellan and Cassandra were left. Cassandra was tracing shapes with the tip of her finger in a puddle of spilled mead. Lavellan found it charming that Cassandra preferred mead to ale: one more glimpse of her hidden longing for sweetness in her life.
"I am glad you talked me into coming," Cassandra said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "You were right, as usual. We need these moments."
"Resting is part of the effort," Lavellan said. "There would be no day without the night. Sometimes we see things clearest under the stars."
"You have a mind full of poetry." Cassandra's gaze felt warm and fond.
"You think that because you haven't spent enough time in the company of Dalish." Lavellan swallowed a mouthful of ale. "I was the least versed in my family. They despaired of my prosaic attitudes."
Cassandra smiled. "What a family they must be. Perhaps I will meet them one day."
"Perhaps," Lavellan said. "They're not especially fond of anything that sounds like the Chantry, but one day, when all this is over, we could go and visit."
"One day," Cassandra said wistfully. "What will we do with ourselves, when the world is saved?"
Lavellan had quite some number of ideas, many of them involving their skin pressed up against Cassandra's, but they saved these for the privacy of their quarters. "I wouldn't," Varric had said once, apropos of absolutely nothing, having caught Lavellan mid-longing gaze. "The Seeker's the straightest arrow I've ever met." Lavellan had scoffed, as if the notion was the farthest thing from their mind, but Varric, as usual, had seen truly. Perhaps not the whole truth, the one Lavellan carried inside their heart of hearts, but some dimension of it.
"What would you do?" they asked. "If you do not become Divine. If no one had any claims to your service."
"I cannot imagine such a day," Cassandra said, eyes hazy. "My destiny has never been my own. From the cradle, I was raised to the duties of a noble, and later, well. My life has always been pledged to others, to my family or the Seekers or the Chantry. If it were my own, I would not know what to do with my time." She glanced at Lavellan. "I would like to travel with you for a while, I think. To meet your family. To see the peace we have brought grow and thrive. To hear more of your poetry. And you?"
"That sounds nice," Lavellan said.
Cassandra laughed, a soft throaty chuckle that made Lavellan's heart throb. "That isn't much of an answer. Here I sit, baring my soul to you, while your own remains a closed book."
"You like to read," Lavellan teased. "Flip through my pages."
"I am trying," Cassandra said, laughing again. "I thought alcohol was supposed to loosen the tongue, but here you sit, more close-mouthed than ever."
"You know my story," Lavellan said.
"By heart, I might say," Cassandra said, smiling, "and yet, like Swords and Shields, I find myself yearning for another chapter."
Lavellan's heart thudded. There would never be a perfect moment to speak the words they longed to say, and yet, it was as good an opening as Cassandra had ever given them. "Varric told me that if I made myself known to you, it would not go well."
Cassandra's brow furrowed. "We have fought side by side for many months. I am not certain how much better we might know each other."
Lavellan waited, one eyebrow raised, their mouth quirked in the tiniest of smiles. After a moment, Cassandra's brow furrowed further. "Oh. I see. For once, Varric was not wrong."
Lavellan laughed softly. "It was worth the sting of rejection just to see the look on your face."
"You are very dear to me," Cassandra said. "I care for you as I have cared for few people in my life. If I were a man, or if you were, things might be different."
Lavellan shook their head. "I know that you understand me as a woman, because I've got tits et cetera, but that isn't how I understand myself. There are more options than man or woman in my culture."
"I am sorry," Cassandra said, and she had the grace to blush a little. "I do try."
"I know you do." Lavellan shrugged. "I'm not angry, Cassandra."
"Bull has discussed some similar individuals," Cassandra said hesitantly. "Female warriors who are viewed essentially as men under the Qun. He thought I might have served, had I converted."
Lavellan nodded. "I do wonder who you'd be, if you'd had the freedom to explore."
"I hope I would be myself," Cassandra said tartly. "It is everyone else who has difficulty seeing me as a woman. A woman may shun dresses and simpering and still recognize herself in the mirror." But she sounded a little bit wistful.
"Naturally." Lavellan pulled over Cullen's nearly-full abandoned mug of ale. "I like you just as you are, Cassandra. I think you know that."
"You might be unique in that," Cassandra teased.
"Yes, well." Lavellan downed some of Cullen's ale. They were steering carefully from tipsy to drunk. "I do enjoy the notoriety of being a singular individual." They looked sideways at Cassandra. "A little bit lonely, though."
"Lonely in the center of the Inquisition?" Cassandra said, quirking one eyebrow. "You are surrounded at all times by your adoring followers."
"Lonely in the center of the Chantry, at the Divine's Right Hand?" Lavellan countered.
"Well," Cassandra said thoughtfully, "at times, I suppose. I had the strong friendship and support of Divine Justinia and Leliana, but it was not entirely conducive to romance."
"I hadn't heard that you sought romance," Lavellan told her. "It seems the opposite, in fact. Between the pages, yes. Between the sheets? A mystery, much speculated upon by idle gossips."
"I know what people think of me," Cassandra said firmly. "But they are wrong, as usual. I am not opposed to sex. I have enjoyed sex very much. I am certain I would enjoy it again with an appropriate partner."
Now it was Lavellan's loins that were throbbing. "Any time you'd like to demonstrate that, you know where to find me."
Cassandra frowned just a little. "You are not a woman, but you are also not a man, I fear."
"Alas," Lavellan said, shaking their head and winking at Cassandra. "I could approximate the experience, but it isn't the equipment I was born with."
Cassandra sipped at her mead. "I suppose I was not born with a sword in my hand either."
"Was that a joke?" Lavellan asked.
Cassandra smiled, a brief and brilliant thing. "Occasionally I am known to venture into humor."
"The only realm from which you've ever retreated," Lavellan suggested.
"No," Cassandra said, suddenly brooding. "But there are not many."
"May I ask if you were disappointed by a woman in the past?" Lavellan said. "Or anyone else not-a-man?"
"You may ask," Cassandra said, "but I have no answer. I have never been with anyone but a man, and really only the one." She must have seen something in Lavellan's expression, because her mouth twisted into a wry smile. "You are surprised."
"A little," Lavellan admitted. "I would have thought you would have had more suitors."
Cassandra sorted. "Suitors, yes. Lovers, no. Few of them suited me, as it turned out."
"And never anyone but a man, truly?"
"I had not considered it," Cassandra said. "Even when I see others enjoying such arrangements, it mystifies me. But so do many liaisons, regardless of who is participating in them. It is none of my business."
Lavellan pushed their mug back and forth idly. "I would have thought you more worldly. You have never seemed troubled by Varric's relationship with Hawke. At least, no more than you're usually troubled by Varric."
Cassandra frowned. "Varric has no relationship with Hawke. At least, not one of that kind. I am given to understand that he is committed to his adulterous relationship."
"Oh, of course," Lavellan said, hiding their smirk behind their mug of ale. "Well then, Dorian and the Iron Bull. Or Sera and her various paramours. Although you do seem somewhat troubled by all of them."
"It is not because of what they do in the bedroom or with whom," Cassandra insisted. "It is a general mistrust of their principles. A Tevinter blood mage? A Qunari spymaster? A person whose only motive is mischief? None of these seemed suitable for the Inquisition we thought to build."
"You mistrusted me, at first." Lavellan leaned back in their chair.
Cassandra's eyes softened. "I did, and I was wrong."
"I appreciate your re-evaluation of my suitability," Lavellan said, watching Cassandra over the rim of their mug. They shouldn't use Cassandra's words against her, not when she was exposing her vulnerabilities, but they couldn't help themself.
"I see," Cassandra said after a moment. "I was wrong to mistrust you, when you fell from the Breach, and I might be wrong to mistrust you now. I should let you take me to bed to reveal my further misconceptions."
"You said it, I didn't. But I could wear the cuffs again if it would make you feel better," Lavellan offered breezily.
Cassandra seemed to blush, but that couldn't be true. It must have been the flicker of the candlelight. "You won't be disappointed if I say no?"
"Of course not," Lavellan said. "Besides, you've already said no, and I haven't stormed off, have I?"
"I care for you very deeply," Cassandra said, her voice earnest, as if she desperately needed Lavellan to understand. "I would lay down my life for you, you know." Somehow, that got through Lavellan's armor. It was so much worse to hear how much Cassandra needed them, cared for them, enjoyed having them in her life than it would have been for her to say a simple no. So far and no further was fine, but that was all Lavellan wanted to know. To hear that they were a central figure in Cassandra's life, but would never have her love, was like sticking their fingers into a fire over and over again.
"Wonderful," Lavellan said. "Likewise. Could we stop discussing it? I'm about to have a new record for number of rejections in one night, and all from the same person." They eyed the level of ale left in the mug. Probably not enough to get really drunk on, which was their new goal for the evening. Get smashed and go to bed alone and dream of undressing Cassandra bit by bit. Fuck, they were far gone when they didn't even want to seduce someone else.
Cassandra sat back in her chair. "Don't call it a rejection."
"What else is it?" Lavellan asked. "I'm not upset, Cassandra, I'm just tired of talking about it."
"It is not a rejection," Cassandra insisted. Lavellan suspected the mead had gone to her head. "It is simply...simply...."
"Yes, I can see how simple it is," Lavellan said dryly.
"A redirection," Cassandra said, sounding triumphant. "From the impossible to the possible."
"I'm going to bed," Lavellan said. It was too much, to try to process all of this in public. They were certain to have been overheard by someone. There was a bottle of something in their quarters. They could finish getting drunk all on their own, without the light in Cassandra's eyes or the way her lips pursed when she was thinking. Impossible, frustrating, lovely Cassandra. Lavellan couldn't bear it.
"Don't go," Cassandra said, catching at Lavellan's hand. Lavellan didn't pull away.
"What do you want, Cassandra?" they asked softly.
The Seeker's eyes were wide and dark. "I don't want you to leave."
"You can come with me if you like," Lavellan said, "but I'm going back to my quarters." They reclaimed their hand and walked away. Cassandra followed, her footsteps swift and even despite the mead.
Lavellan wondered if everyone who saw them could tell that the Inquisitor and the Seeker were having a difference of opinion. Were they walking too stiffly, still shoulder to shoulder but not speaking? It wasn't the body language of lovers, to be certain. But soon enough they had shut the door behind them and climbed the stairs and Lavellan could relax a little. Lavellan retrieved the bottle from the bookshelf and poured a generous measure into a cup before collapsing on the sofa. Cassandra did the same and settled neatly at the other end, prim in her distress.
"You are angry," she said in a low voice.
"I'm not angry," Lavellan countered. "I'm upset."
"I have upset you," Cassandra said.
Lavellan said nothing and knocked back a healthy swig of whatever it was. Brandy. Might have been worse, given the contents of some of the bottles they'd found.
"Because I said no to your proposition?"
"No," Lavellan said. "Because you said no over and over, far beyond my asking. You said no, and I accepted it, wherever else the conversation went. I don't need to hear a catalog of all the ways you find me wanting."
"I do not find you wanting in any particular," Cassandra protested.
"Just one," Lavellan said, and made a lewd gesture.
"Yes, well," Cassandra said. "Aside from that. But surely we can still be friends."
Lavellan laughed, but it sounded hollow. "Oh, yes, the very best of friends. We can exchange tokens to show our deep esteem for each other. Perhaps we could have some sort of party about it, with drinks and dancing, and swear to treasure our friendship forever."
"You are acting as if you are in love with me," Cassandra said, and now she sounded angry.
"Of course I'm in love with you," Lavellan mumbled into their cup.
"What?"
"Of course," Lavellan said louder and more slowly, enunciating every word, "I'm in love with you."
"I..." Cassandra began and lapsed into silence. "I thought that you were merely propositioning me."
"In all the time we've been together since the Breach opened, I've never once seen you accept an offer for a casual fuck," Lavellan pointed out. "I'm not sure I've ever seen you do anything casually, in fact, right down to choosing which stockings to wear."
"No," Cassandra said. "It is not in my nature, I think. But I thought...you might be different. It seems that everyone else in the Inquisition is able to enjoy that sort of informal relation. To think no further than the moment."
"Do you think I would do you the dishonor of offering you any less than all of me?" Lavellan demanded. "No matter what I've given of myself to anyone else, in other situations. Do you think that I know you so little that I would ask you for a quick roll in the hay? Fenedhis, Cassandra, you said you knew me."
The silence stretched out between them, full of hurt. At least the brandy was finally kicking in; Lavellan felt warmer than the fire could account for, and they could pretend the ache in their heart was due to the alcohol.
"You don't have to stay," they said at last. Cassandra was still perched on the other end of the sofa, her spine ramrod-straight.
"Do you want me to go?" she asked.
Lavellan looked away. "No." They drained their cup. "I want you not to want to leave."
"Ah." Cassandra's eyes fluttered closed. Her lashes were very dark against the pallor of her cheeks. She was so beautiful that Lavellan hurt all over, every half-healed scar and old bone break twinging like a storm was coming.
"What do you want, Cassandra?" Lavellan murmured. "I asked you once tonight. You only told me what you didn't want."
"I...I do not know." Cassandra's lips were trembling.
"Then I can't help you." Lavellan got up, undoing the tabs of their tunic. They were tired to their bones, and lonely in the worst way, and they wanted to put on a fresh sleepshirt and slide into bed. Let Cassandra sit on the sofa all night if that was her heart's desire. Let her sit there until the fire was embers and dead grey ash. Let her sit there forever, and be discovered by the next intrepid explorers to find Skyhold. At least Lavellan would know what response to expect, if they spoke to a statue.
Cassandra's fingers caught at the hem of Lavellan's tunic.
"I want poetry," Cassandra said slowly. Her eyes were still closed. "I want bouquets of flowers and meetings by moonlight and love notes that I can wear inside my tunic, next to my heart. I want passion like a great flame and tenderness like a sweet spring breeze." She took a deep shaky breath. "Am I wrong to want those things?"
"No," Lavellan said.
"Am I foolish? Do I demand the impossible, as usual?"
"No, Cassandra."
"I want to feel as if nothing in my history matters. I do not want to be loved for killing dragons, or being a Seeker, or for being the Right Hand, or for being a princess. I want to be loved for myself."
"As you ought to be," Lavellan agreed.
"I want to find a home inside someone's heart," Cassandra continued. "I want someone to find a home inside mine."
"What do you want from me?" Lavellan asked.
Cassandra closed her eyes again. "I want your heart to be my home."
Lavellan stood very still, their fingers frozen on the tabs of their tunic. It felt like they couldn't catch their breath. "I offered you all of myself, Cassandra. I won't accept any less than all of you."
"Had I been born under the Qun, I would have been nearly a man," Cassandra said, looking up at Lavellan. "Perhaps if I had thought to choose, I might have chosen to be otherwise than I am. I might have considered other options. Perhaps such a relationship would not have seemed so strange, if I had grown up in a place with more life. But the dead were laid in their tombs side by side, man and woman, and I heard no other stories."
"How easy it is to write an epitaph," Lavellan murmured.
"Now I wonder how much was erased from those engravings," Cassandra said. "How many mismatched marriages, how many who chafed under those expectations of womanhood or manhood in life. What would they have chosen, if they could. What did they choose that their families omitted, like Dorian's father wished to."
"A hundred hundred stories untold." Lavellan sighed.
Cassandra's fingers tightened in the fabric of their tunic. "I thought tonight that you might turn away from me forever, and in that moment, I understood that I have loved you for quite some time, and thought it impossible until now, so impossible that I held it in the deepest part of my heart, hidden almost from myself."
"And now?" Lavellan's pulse thudded.
"I want to want all of you," Cassandra said. "However strange it seems to me. Now that I know my heart, I would find it difficult to be only your companion."
"Truly?" Lavellan's mouth was dry, but their heart was an ember in their chest, flaring into brilliance.
"Truly," she affirmed. "Will you kiss me? Only...you won't be angry with me if it goes no further? I do not know how much more capacity I have for revelation tonight."
"I won't be angry," Lavellan promised. "We have all the time in the world." They sat back down on the couch, their knees brushing Cassandra's. Her hand, still clutching Lavellan's tunic, rested on their thigh. Lavellan could feel her shivering.
"Well?" Cassandra said, all bravado, always, but her voice shook. Lavellan reached up to cup her cheek. Their thumb stroked over Cassandra's cheekbone and Cassandra's lashes fluttered.
"Patience, mir vhenan," Lavellan murmured. They traced the strong lines of Cassandra's face with their fingertips, gliding down the slope of her nose and ghosting over the bow of her lips. "You seem very worried that I'll be upset with you."
Cassandra shivered again. "I want to give you all of myself, but...it's been some time. I am out of practice at being anyone's lover."
"Sulevin ghilana hanin," Lavellan said, smiling.
"I know that phrase," Cassandra said slowly. "I saw it on the shield you gave me. It has your name in it. What does it mean?"
"Purpose guides us to glory, roughly," Lavellan said. "There will be purpose and glory both, tonight."
"That sounds like a promise," Cassandra said.
"It's a sacred vow," Lavellan told her. "I can provide some more familiar equipment if that would help. If we find we need to consider these things."
"Yes, I think it might," Cassandra said. "If we reach that stage. For now. This is all very new to me."
"Brave heart Cassandra." Lavellan could hear the fondness in their own voice. They brushed the hair off Cassandra's forehead.
"Oh," Cassandra said helplessly, leaning into the caress. Lavellan's heart swelled. How precious it was, to have Cassandra's trust. How luxurious it felt to hold her, at last, after all those months of longing. Here was a secret: the Seeker could be disarmed immediately by fingers in her hair, at her brow or the nape of her neck. Cassandra, so composed, would make soft little noises if someone traced her collarbones.
"Touch me," Lavellan said, after what felt like an hour of mapping the details of Cassandra's face and throat. They hadn't even kissed yet and already Lavellan was feeling utterly besotted.
Cassandra stilled. "Where?"
"Anywhere you like."
"Here?" Cassandra trailed a finger over their lips and Lavellan kissed her fingertip.
"Yes."
"Here?" That same finger dragged slowly down the line of Lavellan's throat to the open collar of their tunic.
"Yes."
"Here?" Cassandra's palms skimmed down Lavellan's arms, then up and over their shoulders to flatten against their back. Lavellan leaned into the contact.
"Yes."
"Here?" Cassandra leaned forward and their lips met and Lavellan's world cracked open again. It was the flying sensation of being tossed out of the Breach, tinged by joy and hope instead of terror and despair.
"All right?" asked Lavellan when they finally broke apart. Cassandra's eyes were shining and her cheeks were flushed. Lavellan was certain their face looked the same.
"Oh, yes," Cassandra said fiercely and then they were kissing again, Cassandra's mouth hungry and eager against Lavellan's. Cassandra's hands were in their hair, Cassandra's hands were fumbling with the tabs of their tunic, Cassandra's hands were everywhere and her lips followed.
"I thought I was going to be the one setting the pace," Lavellan gasped as Cassandra's teeth found their collarbone.
"I have been told I am a natural leader," Cassandra quipped.
Lavellan laughed under their breath and began undressing Cassandra, hindered in the effort by the way Cassandra moved against them, but not minding at all. It was the most delicious puzzle to coordinate their efforts and riddle their way through the overly-complicated closures of each other's clothing. Soon enough they were both bare to the waist, and Cassandra moaned when Lavellan pushed her down against the arm of the sofa and pressed against her, skin on skin.
"Andraste's light," Cassandra swore, and Lavellan laughed again.
"This isn't even the best of it," they promised.
"We should move to the bed," Cassandra said. She pushed her hips up against Lavellan's and gasped.
"I'm quite happy here," Lavellan said, rocking down until Cassandra moaned again. "But if you insist." They rolled off Cassandra and held out a hand to her. "May I have this dance?"
"If I'd known that was what you wanted at that awful party, I might have said yes," Cassandra grumbled, letting Lavellan pull her up.
"No, you wouldn't," Lavellan said. "It's taken me this long to talk you out of your clothes."
"Yes, but I didn't want to wear those clothes to begin with," Cassandra said. "Therefore, it might have been easier to talk me out of them."
"I've heard of hatefucking," Lavellan mused, "but not I-hate-everyone-else fucking."
"Well, you will hear no more about it tonight," Cassandra said. "I hold no hate for you."
"No?" Lavellan asked. They put their hand over Cassandra's heart. "Not here?"
"Of course not," Cassandra said. Lavellan could feel her breath coming faster. Deliberately slowly, they slid their fingers down to cup Cassandra's breast. Their thumb glided over the tight bud of her nipple.
"Not here," they said.
"No," Cassandra agreed, "but it would be best to ensure that you explore both, to be certain."
"I can take an order," Lavellan said.
"There is a first time for everything," Cassandra murmured, and then gasped as Lavellan gently squeezed her breasts. Her hands came up to caress Lavellan's chest. It was a graceless tangle of arms, but fuck, it felt so good.
"Has anyone told you lately that you have incredible tits?" Lavellan murmured.
"Only Bull," Cassandra said. "And coming from him, it means no more than a comment on the weather."
"Well, you've got incredible tits," Lavellan said, dipping to catch Cassandra's nipple between their lips.
"That is good to know," Cassandra said, her fingers knotting in Lavellan's hair. "But I believe you were taking me to bed."
"Didn't I tell you to be patient?" Lavellan asked, mumbling around Cassandra's breast.
"I find myself in short supply," Cassandra said. She pulled Lavellan's head gently back and pushed her body against theirs until they were backed up against the bed. Lavellan wrapped their arms around Cassandra and pulled them both down onto the mattress. The weight of Cassandra on top of them was something transcendent.
"I should have taken your trousers off first," Cassandra said as her lips sought Lavellan's neck. She sucked hard and Lavellan gasped. "No matter. I will address the issue."
"I love it when you talk logistics," Lavellan said. They groaned as Cassandra mouthed their breasts. She worked her way down their body, trailing kisses over their skin like a path of flames. She undid the fastenings of Lavellan's trousers with fingers that seemed certain. Lavellan lifted their hips to aid her efforts. Cassandra sat back on her heels and gazed up Lavellan's body. Lavellan braced themself on their elbows and gazed back.
"Too strange?"
"Less than I imagined," Cassandra said after a moment. "I have pleasured myself, of course." She was blushing again. "I assume the techniques are similar."
"Probably," Lavellan agreed. "But I'm happy to train you in some new methods." They winked.
"You mentioned certain...equipment," Cassandra said.
"Ah, yes." Lavellan rolled over and pulled open a drawer. They retrieved a harness made out of butter-soft leather and a variety of attachments. "For the lady's pleasure." They spread the dildos out over the bed. "A thicker option if you'd rather feel more, ah, fulfilled. A larger option for those who like a challenge. This one is nice because it fucks me too. And then there's the Dragon."
"That one is so interestingly shaped," Cassandra said after a moment.
"It hits the spot," Lavellan teased.
"Whatever you will enjoy the most," Cassandra decided. She touched the dildos with her fingertips. "This one?"
"A fine choice," Lavellan said, putting the others back in the drawer. "Should I put it on now, or after I strip you bare?"
"Oh, now," Cassandra said in a casual tone, but her expression was hungry.
Lavellan made a show of putting on the harness and securing the straps carefully around their hips. "Would you like to help?"
"Help?" Cassandra licked her lips. "How?"
"You can hold it steady," Lavellan said. They handed the dildo to Cassandra, who gripped it as if it were a new sword. "This end goes through the ring like so. That end goes inside me." They straddled the dildo, their hand and Cassandra's holding it firm as the other end spread their folds and guided the bulbous end to their opening. They sighed as they sank down on it. The shaft pressed against their clit. It was tempting to grind gently against it while Cassandra still held it. Lavellan let themself give into temptation.
"Oh," Cassandra said. Her lips parted.
"You can feel how wet I am," Lavellan said. "Can't you? The way it slid in, so easily."
"Oh yes," Cassandra said. She was rapt.
"That's my desire for you," Lavellan told her.
"I want you," Cassandra said, fumbling for words and also fumbling with the ties of her trousers. "I want you to show me that desire."
Lavellan helped her strip out of her trousers, their four hands urgent. The dildo bobbed between them, sturdy and slick. Lavellan mentally blessed the libidinous mage who had invented a lubrication charm that also kept the thing clean. The head of it bumped against Cassandra's stomach and left a glossy patch of damp. Cassandra made a throaty little noise. But at last she was nude, and Lavellan nudged her until she was sprawled on the mattress. They repaid her for every kiss and caress, working from the pale column of Cassandra's throat down to the ridge of her hip while Cassandra moaned and shifted under them.
"I want to taste you," they told her.
"Please," Cassandra said, looking uncertain if it was an affirmation or a plea.
"Do you want that?" Lavellan said, meeting her eyes.
Cassandra bit her lip. "Yes," she said after a moment.
"Thank the gods," Lavellan said, and devoted their attention to kissing the insides of Cassandra's thighs, up from her knee along the strong muscle to the crease where her thigh met her pelvis. When they tongued along that line, Cassandra exclaimed.
"Please," she said in a trembling voice, and this time it was most certainly a yes, and Lavellan couldn't deny themselves any longer. They parted Cassandra's folders with fingers and tongue. Her slickness soaked their face immediately, and Lavellan grinned as they licked. Cassandra made another wordless sound and tangled her fingers in their hair.
"Maker's breath," she said, sounding dazed.
Lavellan hummed to themself and devoted their efforts to circling Cassandra's clit with the tip of their tongue, with the flat of their tongue, even ever-so-delicately with their teeth. Cassandra's hips bucked and she swore in fond tones. Lavellan grinned and sucked Cassandra's clit into their mouth. They pushed one finger into Cassandra's heat, and when she squirmed, followed it with another.
"All this time," Cassandra murmured. "All this time we could have been doing this."
"Mm," Lavellan agreed. Fuck, Cassandra tasted good. They'd have to tell her so later, when they weren't neck-deep in her cunt. Their whole world was the space between her thighs and the pressure of those thighs around their shoulders, the way those thighs trembled when they licked or pressed or nibbled just so.
Cassandra was no mystery between the sheets; she seemed grateful for every touch. She didn't stifle her cries or cover herself. Lavellan reached up to roll her nipples between the fingers of their free hand and Cassandra took the hint and caressed her other breast. The sounds they coaxed out of her together made Lavellan's cunt ache. They wanted to push their hips down into the mattress, or better yet, to push into Cassandra and fuck her through the bed. But oh, they wanted Cassandra to come first, wanted to feel her shiver around them in the holiest of epiphanies. And they could feel her thighs tensing, tightening, the muscles inside her catching at Lavellan's searching fingers. They curved their fingers and found the spot they sought and Cassandra shouted, called out their name, called out for Andraste, her back arching off the bed until Lavellan's hand slipped away from her breast. Lavellan pressed their face into Cassandra until the shaking calmed to a shiver.
"Come here," Cassandra demanded, and Lavellan draped their body over Cassandra's, careful of the dildo. Their face was wet but Cassandra kissed them anyway, her tongue demanding an answer. Lavellan stroked down her body, nudging the dildo closer to position; pinned between them, it was impossible to ignore. Cassandra helped, guiding it lower until the head rested between her folds. Lavellan rubbed it up and down, teasing Cassandra's entrance until they were both groaning.
"Wait," Cassandra said. She pushed Lavellan over. "I want to taste you. I know it isn't you, but is that all right?"
"If that's what you want," Lavellan said. They would have agreed to almost anything. They rolled onto their back and watched Cassandra study them. Cassandra lowered her lashes. A pretty flush had spread across her chest. The curls between her legs were wet. She eased down between Lavellan's legs. Slowly her lips parted and her tongue darted out to taste the head of the dildo. Lavellan's muscles clenched hard around the base of it.
"Is that my flavor?" Cassandra asked.
"Yes," Lavellan managed to say. It was hard to concentrate on things like language when Cassandra was there, licking her own moisture off Lavellan's cock with apparent relish. "On my cock. On my mouth, too."
"Your cock," Cassandra said approvingly. "It's very nice."
"Thank you," Lavellan said, and then all the words left their mind as Cassandra took the head entirely into her mouth. The libidinous mages really needed to come up with some kind of sensation enchantment at some point, but it was still simulating to watch, and the motion of Cassandra's mouth rocked the base gently inside Lavellan's cunt. Long minutes passed as Cassandra explored the dildo. Lavellan played with her hair, played with their own tits, and tried to resist the urge to fuck Cassandra's mouth.
"Are you enjoying it?" Cassandra asked at last, rocking back and dropping a kiss on Lavellan's thigh.
"Very much," Lavellan assured her.
"But not as much as you might," Cassandra said.
Lavellan shrugged. "All things in their time."
"Would you enjoy it more if you were fucking me?" Cassandra asked.
Lavellan couldn't stop the cock from jumping again as their body responded strongly to the suggestion. "Gods, yes."
"Then please do fuck me," Cassandra said in a prim voice that Lavellan knew was going to drive them wild every time they heard it in some serious meeting.
"How?" Lavellan asked.
Cassandra smirked. "And here I thought you were some authority."
"I mean, what position, what do you like," Lavellan grumbled. "Remind me next time to fuck the breath out of you before you can come up with all these witty quips."
Cassandra touched a finger to her lips. "Surely you have some ideas. My only desire is to be - what was that charming phrase I heard from one of the recruits the other day? - ah yes, plowed. Quite evocative."
"I can manage that," Lavellan said, mouth dry.
"See that you do," Cassandra said, her lips curving up in a challenge. Lavellan sat up to catch at her hands and pulled Cassandra up. She came willingly, stretched out against their body, and Lavellan kissed her hard before rolling them over so that they were on top.
"Tell me if it's too much," they said.
"I believe I can handle you," Cassandra said, and reached down to guide the dildo lower. Lavellan helped, their fingers laced together as they pressed the dildo against her entrance. They both groaned as the dildo slid in. Lavellan held their hips steady, pushing in slowly, slowly, feeling Cassandra shift to accommodate their girth. It felt like their own cock, almost, when it was inside her, inside both of them, a connection from the core of their being to hers.
"Maker, yes," Cassandra gasped. "More."
Lavellan thrust until they were sunk to the hilt, their clit brushing against Cassandra's. "Oh!" Cassandra said, and "Ah," Lavellan groaned, and then they couldn't hold back any longer. They caught at Cassandra's hands, pinned her wrists over her head, and pounded into her over and over. She was hot and open, more than ready for them. She wrapped one leg around their hips, her pelvis rising up to grind against theirs. Lavellan dipped their head to kiss Cassandra everywhere they could reach, sucking at salt on the delicate skin of her neck until she cried out in delight. They'd let go of her wrists at some point, but that meant that Cassandra could touch their tits, caressing and squeezing and rolling the tender flesh.
"More," Cassandra demanded, and they hooked their arm under her other leg, pushing it up until she was so fucking tight around them they could almost feel it. They wanted her to come. They needed her to come. Their mouth found her nipple again, tongue and teeth working in concert to coax sounds from Cassandra that Lavellan had never heard. They pumped into her, desperate for release, the leather of the harness biting into their hips with the force of their thrusts. At least if they came first, they wouldn't go limp, but gods, they wanted to see that glory on her face, up close and personal.
"Come for me," they told her. "Cassandra, please. Let me see you."
Her half-closed eyes snapped to meet theirs. "Yes," she said in a throaty voice. "Yes, yes, yes." She held their gaze. Lavellan could see the pleasure building: the dilation of her pupils wider and wider, the flush rising in her face, the distracted way she gasped when they found just the right angle. She let them witness every moment. Lavellan felt her hips rise, her back arch, the tension in her body drawing her tight as a bow. They felt the stillness of that moment on the precipice, and then the release. Cassandra flung her arms around them and buried her face in their neck. Her whole body shuddered, passion ripping through her like an earthquake. And she was calling out their name in the same breath as the Maker's, speaking their name like an incantation. Hanin. Hanin. Glory.
"You must," she panted. "You must keep going. You must let me see you. All equal, between us, always."
"Yes," Lavellan agreed. They pushed into Cassandra again, all the way, until she gasped and spread her legs even wider. Their clit pressed hard against hers, delicious friction that made Cassandra keen.
"I want to touch you," she gasped, and thrust her fingers between them, caressing the hard hot knot of Lavellan's clit. "Wait."
"Wait?" Lavellan said, dazed. They were even more confused when Cassandra slid out from under them. But then she pushed them onto their back and straddled them. This time, they could watch their cock slowly disappearing into her body as she sank down. That was nearly enough to send them over the edge.
"Easier this way," Cassandra explained, and leaned down to kiss them. Her fingers found their clit again as she slowly rode their cock. Lavellan ran their hands over her tits, her back, the firm swell of her ass. Gods, they were close. Gods, she was beautiful. She was everything they'd ever imagined and more.
"Cassandra," they breathed, thrusting up into her. She met the thrust, sinking down even though she must be sore, her muscles aching from the unaccustomed stretch.
"Mir vhenan?"
And that was all it took, the sound of their language on her tongue, inelegant but intimate. Lavellan shook apart and was renewed in an instant, their body made all of light and heat and sweet passion. They clutched at Cassandra's hips, holding her close as the moment stretched on and on. Finally they released her, collapsing back onto the bed, breathless and boneless. Cassandra carefully rose on her knees and let Lavellan's cock slip out of her. She stretched on the mattress beside them.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" Lavellan asked.
"Very much," Cassandra said. "Plowing is quite enjoyable. No wonder farmers do it every spring."
Lavellan laughed. "And sometimes in the fall."
"An activity for all seasons," Cassandra agreed. She reached out to run her fingertips over Lavellan's cock. "I think I prefer your technique. Perhaps I will try it sometime."
"I'll be happy to plow you or be plowed by you any time," Lavellan assured her. They loosened the straps of the harness, setting it and the dildo on the edge of the bed. It was funny to look at it lying there, still the same, but different, a tool again and not a part of them. But it had certainly served them well tonight.
"Was it everything you hoped?" Cassandra asked after a moment.
"Everything and more," Lavellan promised, rolling on their side to kiss her. "Thank you for trusting me."
"I should have trusted you sooner," Cassandra said with a yawn. "How our hearts can disguise themselves from our minds is a great mystery of life."
"At least it didn't disguise itself from my loins," Lavellan teased.
"It was all very enjoyable," Cassandra murmured. She looked at Lavellan. "I would like to touch you. Just you."
"Are you sure?"
"Very sure," Cassandra said, and bit her lip.
"I'm a little sensitive," Lavellan said. "Be gentle."
And Cassandra was, her fingers slipping ever so slowly between Lavellan's legs.
"Oh," she said. The hunger was back in her eyes. "You are so wet. I knew it, but feeling it is different."
"For you," Lavellan assured her. They kissed her shoulder. "All for you."
Cassandra made a soft noise. Her touch was delicate but less tentative than Lavellan had imagined. The calluses on her fingers and palm provided delicious friction. All too soon, Lavellan was sighing, their body rocked by a soft but inexorable wave of pleasure. They caught Cassandra's wrist.
"Too much?" she asked.
"Just perfect," Lavellan assured her.
"You were so quiet." Cassandra's brow furrowed.
"Sometimes it's like that," Lavellan said. "You'll remember, soon enough."
"I will have ample opportunity to experience all manner of pleasure," Cassandra agree, her expression brightening.
"Perhaps the pleasure of sleep?" Lavellan suggested.
"Next to you?" Cassandra said. "The greatest pleasure."
"Oh, sweetheart," Lavellan said, wriggling so that they could pull the covers over the both of them, "if that's what you think, I have a lot more work to do."
"The greatest pleasure of my heart," Cassandra said, sliding her arms around Lavellan. "Other parts of me have experienced considerable pleasure. Do not worry on my account."
"I trust you to hold me accountable if you ever crave satisfaction," Lavellan said.
"I will," Cassandra said. "You have my word."
"A treasure beyond measure," Lavellan said.
Cassandra chuckled softly. "You have all of me, and you give such weight to my word."
"Your word is eternity," Lavellan said.
"It is," Cassandra agreed, and in the moonlight, her eyes were very bright.
